Good Days

The past few days have been good days. See, I've learned a lot about narcissism and it is helping me let go of Sean more and more every day. In fact, it's not even painful when I think back about our relationship. He's a narcissist, he used me, he conned me, like he uses and cons everyone he comes in contact with. I learned that it's not ME!!! I didn't do anything wrong!!! That has been such a great relief, knowing I'M not the crazy one. Also learning that there is no help for a narcissit, no cure, has made me realize that no matter what, we never would have lasted anyway. I want to feel sad for him, but I can't. He is evil and I can't feel bad for evil. It's funny, weeks ago I would have been writing all of this out of pure meaness, hatred, spite, whatever. Today I can write it with no feelings of anything, no love, no hate, no feeling. It's awesome! I'm nowhere near the finish line in my recovery, but I am doing so much better than I was a couple of weeks ago. It's been a blessing knowing that recovery from a narcissistic relationship is different than recovery from a normal relationship. I just couldn't understand why it was so HARD to let it go, to move past it. Now I know, I was mindfucked and that takes time to heal. He did this to me for over 4 years so healing is not going to come overnight. Now that I know this and can accept it, it has been easier to let go, piece by piece.

shacri